Friday, March 03, 2006

Addiction

I can stop any time I like.

No, you can’t.

Yes, I can.

No, you can’t. You stopped for a while last year but here you are at it again. Stopping is stopping, like, forever.

I can control it.

That’s what they all say.

No, really, I can. This time I can. I just have to taper off.

“Taper off.” Ha, refuge of a scoundrel. You won’t “taper off.” You’ll hide your addiction and sneak a little here, a little there. You think I don’t notice, but I do. You leave a trail of evidence.

Evidence? No way! What evidence? I’m clean. Well, mostly. I mean, it’s not a Big Addiction. It’s more like a hobby.

Hobby, ha! A hobby is something you do because you want to. An addiction is something you do because you have to.

I don’t have to, you know.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah!

How about this evening? How about today just a few hours ago? How about that?

After a pause, uh, you know, the temptation is all around. Especially at this time of year. It’s hard to stay clean.

I’m not asking you to stay clean. I’m asking you to exercise some restraint. Rule it, don’t let it rule you. That’s all I ask.

OK.

So, how many boxes did you buy this time?

Six. Two Thin Mint and four of the new Café.

Six boxes of Girl Scout cookies! I already took to work the 10 boxes you bought last week. Please, promise me, no more Thin Mints. OK? Promise?

I dunno. I like Thin Mints.

Everybody likes Thin Mints.

10 comments:

Tom said...

Thin mints? Tag-a-longs are the ONLY way to go!

Pammer said...

Thin mints crushed over vanilla ice cream.

Do-si-dos rock my socks.

Shortbread for any other time of the day.

Ahhh.... February.

stinky296 said...

Definition #2 for addicted in Oxford American Thesaurus:
2 "she became addicted to the theater" devoted to, obsessed with, fixated on, dedicated to, fanatical about, passionate about, enamored of, a slave to; informal hooked on, wild about, mad about, crazy about, nuts about.

See? So we're just passionate and devoted to the cookies. Really.

Bret said...

Not me.

Shortbread all the way -- although I miss the old-fashioned names for them. (I gather some locations still use them.) Scot-teas, who could resist?

Ketchup Guy said...

I've got a weakness for do-si-dos. Cannot. Resist. Butter and crack, I choose to believe, share many DNA strands ...

Internal Expert said...

Tag.A.Longs or BUST!

A Reader from Arkansas said...

I'm literally at work polishing off a package of thin mints as I read your blog. The Samoas are next.

Shalee said...

Not only are Thin Mints the only way to go, if you stick a sleeve of them in the freezer, they make a tasty, cool treat after slaving away at the blog... Plus the kids have a harder time finding the last of the cookies.

Not that I've done this... It's all hypothetical...

Veronica Mitchell said...

Edy's ice cream makes a
-- wait for it --
chocolate mint ice cream
with crushed chunks of
Thin Mints
in it.

ken messinger said...

Hi Bill, sounds like your talking to yourself. Kind of hard to kick those thin mints, it took me at least two years of really trying hard.