Key of E

The tone was accusatory. “You didn’t buy another computer, did you?”

Historically, I heard, ‘You didn’t chop down that cherry tree, George, did you?”

Thinking fast, a gift of the habitually accused, I replied, “Uh…”

“Uh, what, huh? What ‘uh’? Come on, out with it!”

Curse you slow brain-speech pathway, I thought, albeit slowly.

“Uh, I, I, I, didn’t buy another computer per se.” (I always like to toss in a bit of Latin just to throw them off the scent.)

“No, no, no, not another computer, it’s a replacement part. Yeah, that’s it, a replacement part.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, you see, I wore out the E Key. Wore it plumb out.”

I held up the afflicted PowerBook and, sure enough, the E Key had been obliterated, ostensibly by writing too many blog entries using words containing the Letter E. Like ‘entries’, that’s two E’s right there! Oops, too more in ‘there.’ It’s a veritable E Epidemic.

“Doesn’t Apple sell E Keys?” came the next logical question, but I was prepared.

“I checked on that and, yes, they do. Only like most stuff nowadays there are some attachments.”

“What kind of attachments?”

“Well, there’s the E Base Support group consisting of the keys S, D and F, and the E Side Support group containing keys W and R, and the Key Overhead Support group with keys 3,4 and 5. Of course, each of the Key Support groups have Key Auxiliary Support groups which form the Key Governance Council, or Key Board.”

“So, you just bought the Key Board?”

“Basically.”

“And what does ‘basically’ include?”

“Ah, well, the Key Board is mounted in the Keyboard Support Module and protected by the Keyboard Screen and Keyboard Screen protective cover. You have to admit, buy an E Key from Apple and you really get your money’s worth!”

“So, you didn’t buy another PowerBook?”

In an instant I saw my loophole and dived through it like a duck chasing a June bug! “No, I swear on Steve Jobs ego that I did not buy another PowerBook. Another PowerBook, how silly would that be? Just the E Key replacement kit.”

Then I made myself scarce.

Later that evening I logged on to the Apple Store website and checked the progress of my new Core Duo MacBook Pro. (The PowerBook was discontinued.) Ah, I see it made the flight from Shanghai to Anchorage. I fired up iTunes and clicked on Beethoven’s piano concerto number 5 and sat back to wait.