Unfortunately True Story

Claire,

Per your request to obtain the original, certified copies of Certificates of Live Birth re:  You and Mom, I went upstairs to look for them and the funniest thing happened.  I looked out the window and what did I see but a big, old squirrel!  Big as day, right out there on the golf course.  I exclaimed to Kink, "Look, a squirrel!"  Then I ran downstairs, out the back door, across the yard to the gate, but the lawn guys had tied the gate with a wire and by the time I got it untangled the squirrel had run away.  I walked up and down the fairway looking for the squirrel, but he was gone.

So, I went back through the gate, wired it shut, went back in the house and, I guess, I got confused because I forgot all about the Certificates and made myself a sandwich, instead.  It was a good sandwich, too!  I bought some rye bread that Mom doesn't like which means I get to eat it all and slapped on some roasted turkey breast, Swiss cheese, lettuce and tomato and a slice of dill pickle (expiration date: 2010 - extra sour).  After cleaning up I checked my Facebook statuses, wrote some LOL comments and someone commented about "certificates" and I remembered, "Certificates!"

I went back up stairs to look for the Certificates of Live Birth and, wouldn't you know it, as I walked by the big window something told me to look out on the golf course and, lo and behold, there he was - the squirrel!  Kink saw him, too, because he went right up to the window, pawed it and meowed as if to say, "Hey, that big, fat squirrel is back out there!"  What could I do?  I ran downstairs, out the back door, across the yard, unwired the gate and I just got a glimpse of him diving into the sand bunker.  I ran to the bunker but I was too slow because he had scampered off.  But, he left a cute trail of tracks in the sand.  I had to get a picture of them but I left my iPhone in the kitchen.  I ran back to the gate, across the yard, in through the back door, grabbed my iPhone and ran back to the bunker.  Unfortunately, some golfers beat me to it and had raked over the tracks.  If I could find a "sad" emoticon I would put it here.

Once again, having been distracted by the squirrel, I lost track of my original task and read the paper, did the Jumble (it was easy!) and went through the mail and decided to clean out the kitchen Junk Drawer.  That took me about an hour and all I ended up doing was taking everything out of the junk drawer, playing with it and putting it back.  At least it's neater looking.

Now it was getting late and Kink came in meowing for dinner and I gave him that and Mom came in asking when dinner was so I started working on that and before I knew it the day was over and I was brushing my teeth.  Brushing, brushing, brushing - the thought of "Certificates" came through my mind and I made a mental note to go into the kitchen and make a physical note to remind myself to do that first thing in the morning, after breakfast and coffee, of course, but by the time I finished brushing my teeth that thought had vanished.  If I had remembered to keep my iPhone with me I could have made a Fail dot Com video of me failing to write the reminder, but I didn't.  Too bad, it would have gone viral!

I hope you are keeping warm in Chicago and remember, layers, layers, layers.  If you need anything from us just send me an email or a twerker or something and I'll get right on it.

All the best,

  Dad-0