I Like, Me Like

I took the package out of the refrigerator and gazing at the contents said in a funny voice and possibly out loud, “Mmmmmmmm, I like!”

“Hey,” said Kink, “do that again.”

“Do what again?”

“Do the ‘Elmo’ voice again. That was funny.”

I turned to Kink and gave him The Glare™.

“I do not do ‘Elmo’, Kink,” I said, “you know that.”

“Sounded like ‘Elmo’,” Kink sulked.

I decided to educate Kink on the subtleties of ‘Elmo’ of which there are exactly NONE.

“For a start, Kink, ‘Elmo’ would never say ‘I like.’ ‘Elmo’ would say ‘me like.’ The former is grammatically correct while the latter is Elmo-speak. I don’t do Elmo-speak.”

“If ‘Elmo’ were here,” I continued, “I’d chop him into tiny pieces using a Paul Bunyan axe. Then I’d run the little pieces through a paper shredder. Then I’d use a flame thrower on the teeny tiny little pieces. Then I’d sweep the ashes up, put them in a vial, and shoot it into the Sun.”

Kink said, “OK, OK! I get the picture. All too vividly. So, what’s up with the funny voice and ‘I like.’ You still have some ‘splainin’ to do.”

“Well, if you must know, I was thinking about an entertainer I liked as a kid. A ventriloquist who worked with a puppet lamb. Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop.”

“Lamb Chop was the exact opposite of everything Elmo. Lamb Chop was cute, articulate, witty and fun. Elmo, not.”

“Lamb Chop was simple entertainment for a simple time. No computer generated graphics, no F/X, no animation, no surround sound. Nope, just a sock and a couple of buttons and imagination. You remember imagination, don’t you, Kink?”

Kink yawned his “I’m tired of this Lecture” yawn and turned to leave the kitchen. “I’m going to watch the Lord of the Rings hologram. Call me for dinner.”

Kink paused at the doorway and turned, “By the way, what IS for dinner.”

“Chef surprise.”

Kink shrugged, disappearing into the next room.