Fortunately for me, I'm both.
Rummaging through a rack of sweaters proudly displaying a 50 % OFF!! sign I found a perfect gift. Light blue sweater, correct size, originally $39.95 but the sale price would be $19.95 which made it even perfecter.
I waited in line for a few minutes with my charge card in hand and finally it was my turn.
The cashier scanned the tag and said, "Thirty-nine ninety-five, please."
I paused which caused her space-time to wobble a bit. "Uh, aren't these 50 percent off?"
The cashier peered over to the rack and said, "Yep. Everything is 50 percent off."
"Well," I pressed, "shouldn't THIS sweater be 50 percent off, too?"
Puzzlement was not replaced with enlightenment. "I'll scan it again," she said.
She looked up and smiled.
Success, I thought.
"Thirty-nine ninety-five," she said without missing a beat.
By this time I had Nineteen ninety-five so deeply etched in my brain that I simply couldn't let it go. "You know," I said, "on second thought I think I got the wrong color. Thanks, anyway." And I took the sweater back to the rack.
Where there's a glimmer of hope, I always say, I pawed through the remaining sweaters on the rack and to my delight found the exact color and size WITH a tag that read
Again I waited in line charge card in hand.
The cashier scanned the tag.
"That will be Nineteen ninety-five," she said seamlessly.
Yes, victory! Take that, Universe! Who da man, huh? Who da man? I did a little Macarena touchdown dance.
I handed her my card and she swiped it through the reader. Then she frowned.
Frowning. Not good.
"What's the matter," I asked possibly a little too shrilly, "not on sale? Should be nineteen hundred dollars? Time for your break?"
"No," she said looking up and handing me my charge card, "your card expired last month. Purchase declined. Have a nice day."