Wing Man

Everybody needs a wing man.

I'm more of a, well, never mind about that, but suffice it to say I am not a wing man.  I'll just drink a few beers, eat some chips and call it a night.  The wingers can nibble away on their messy bird scraps.  Doesn't bother me a bit.

"Hey, how about meeting me at Owl Burger for some wings and suds and a little football."

"You know me, suds and football are a fine combination but keep those flappers to yourself."

Owl Burger was packed.  We spied a couple getting up from a table and hovered like vultures, er, owls over them until they got the hint and hurried up.  It helped that I paid their bill.

Once comfortably seated the Owl Girl glided over and the wing fest began.

"We'll have a plate of spicy jalapeño, ranch, garlic parmesan, lemon soy and original BBQ.  Oh and a bowl of chips for my wing-hating buddy here."

"What, only five orders of wings?" I commented, "Are you on a diet or something?"

Before my friend could answer the Owl Girl burst my bubble for the night - "Sorry, honey, we're out of chips."

Is that possible?  I didn't think the phrase "out of chips" existed in the English language.

So, I sat there grumbling into my beer, watched the Cowboys usher the Falcons over the goal line too many times:  After you, kind sir.  Why, thank you very much, I don't mind if I do.

Disaster.

Then the wings arrived and not having eaten anything since breakfast three days ago I allowed myself just a taste.  More of a peck than a bite.  And then something miraculous happened.  It tasted good!  Really, really good.  I chalk it up to the beer and hunger and the Cowboys giving the game away but I was suddenly into wings!

"Hey, dude, slow down!  I don't think you're supposed to eat the bones."

I had become a Wing Eating Machine.

Owl Girl swooped down and asked if there was anything else she could get us.

"Yeah," I piped up, "another round of beers and wings."

"Right, beer and which wings, the BBQ or original or ..."

I cut her off, "No, all of them.  Bring me all of the wings!  I am the Wing Man.  I am the Walrus!"

And that's a true story.