Everybody needs a wing man.
I'm more of a, well, never mind about that, but suffice it to say I am not a wing man. I'll just drink a few beers, eat some chips and call it a night. The wingers can nibble away on their messy bird scraps. Doesn't bother me a bit.
"Hey, how about meeting me at Owl Burger for some wings and suds and a little football."
"You know me, suds and football are a fine combination but keep those flappers to yourself."
Owl Burger was packed. We spied a couple getting up from a table and hovered like vultures, er, owls over them until they got the hint and hurried up. It helped that I paid their bill.
Once comfortably seated the Owl Girl glided over and the wing fest began.
"We'll have a plate of spicy jalapeño, ranch, garlic parmesan, lemon soy and original BBQ. Oh and a bowl of chips for my wing-hating buddy here."
"What, only five orders of wings?" I commented, "Are you on a diet or something?"
Before my friend could answer the Owl Girl burst my bubble for the night - "Sorry, honey, we're out of chips."
Is that possible? I didn't think the phrase "out of chips" existed in the English language.
So, I sat there grumbling into my beer, watched the Cowboys usher the Falcons over the goal line too many times: After you, kind sir. Why, thank you very much, I don't mind if I do.
Then the wings arrived and not having eaten anything since breakfast three days ago I allowed myself just a taste. More of a peck than a bite. And then something miraculous happened. It tasted good! Really, really good. I chalk it up to the beer and hunger and the Cowboys giving the game away but I was suddenly into wings!
"Hey, dude, slow down! I don't think you're supposed to eat the bones."
I had become a Wing Eating Machine.
Owl Girl swooped down and asked if there was anything else she could get us.
"Yeah," I piped up, "another round of beers and wings."
"Right, beer and which wings, the BBQ or original or ..."
I cut her off, "No, all of them. Bring me all of the wings! I am the Wing Man. I am the Walrus!"
And that's a true story.