It Was a Dark and Stormy Night 7

A distinguished gentleman sat in a burgundy leather chair, an Ekornes Stressless with matching footstool, trimmed in oak; so comfortable you hardly know your sitting, more like floating except that your nose isn't bumping against the ceiling unless, of course, you were in a room with a four-foot ceiling in which case it probably would be; bumping against the ceiling, that is; your nose.

Lord William observed the distinguished gentleman with an eye (his left, mostly, which was his best eye, rather, it needed the least correction to be perfect, although not in the Greek sense) and after a few moments of careful, if slightly nearsighted observation, pronounced,

"You look strangely familiar."

The distinguished gentleman regarded Lord William with an equally slightly nearsighted left eye, that, coincidentally was only slightly less nearsighted than his right eye, meaning that he could nearly see farther, more clearly with his left eye than his right eye, although he could drive a car without too many problems and had learned to ignore all the rude horn honking and yelling, which had become easier to ignore due to his partial deafness, but that's another story, and after taking a swig of his gin and tonic replied,

"Strange or familiar? Strange in a familiar way, or familiar in a strange way?"

Lord William thought carefully. Yes, he thought, I should have refreshed the lemon in my G&T, and answered, "B. Definitely B. I'll put 500 on B, Alex."

The distinguished gentleman regarded his G&T carefully, as a jeweler might regard a rough diamond he's about to fracture into either the perfect gemstone or a pile of rubble, and not the Barney kind. "Hmmmm, yes, you're correct," he said, "more lemon would be a definite improvement. Everything goes better with lemon, they say."

No sooner had the distinguished gentleman said "say" that ...

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night 6

... a dark and stormy night.

Suddenly a shot was poured.

"What, another shot?," Lady Helen intoned snidely.

"Only my third, my dear," replied Lord William, "to take the edge off. You agree, yes?"

Lady Helen narrowed her eyes such that her eyebrows nearly met her ample chin, but said nothing. She turned on her well clad heel and marched out of the room to a regular clack clack clack clack. And those clacks could go on for quite some time.

Lord William swirled his glass, took a long draught of gin and sighed, "Fuck me."

At that moment there was an audible *pop* to which Lord William turned.

In his amazement he saw ... nothing.

I've been here before, he thought, the clack-clack-clack. Make it stop!

"Make it stop when, sir?" he heard a voice say.

Lord William turned towards the voice and saw ...

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night 5

... a dark and stormy night.

Suddenly a shot was poured.

"You call that a shot?," Lady Helen laughed raucously.

"Only my third, my dear," replied Lord William, "to take the edge off. You agree, yes?"

Lady Helen did her best puppy dog look matching a doleful expression with a come-hither look, but said nothing. She turned on her well clad heel and skipped out of the room to a regular clack clack clack clack. And those clacks could go on for quite some time.

Lord William swirled his glass, took a long draught of gin and sighed, "Oh, baby."

At that moment there was an audible *pop* to which Lord William turned.

In his amazement he saw ...

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night 4

... a dark and stormy night.

Suddenly a shot was poured.

"You need another shot?," Lady Helen whispered.

"Only my third, my dear," replied Lord William, "to take the edge off. You agree, yes?"

Lady Helen eyed Lord William lustily. Her big, brown eyes glistened at the prospect for the evening, but she said nothing. Turning on her well clad heel she glided out of the room to a regular clack clack clack clack. And those clacks could go on for quite some time, and aroused Lord William.

Lord William swirled his glass, took a long draught of gin and sighed, "Oy vey."

At that moment there was an audible *pop* to which Lord William turned.

In his amazement he saw ...

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night 3

... a dark and stormy night.

Suddenly a shot was poured.

"Want another shot?," Lady Helen shouted from the bar.

"Only my third, my dear," replied Lord William, "to take the edge off. You agree, yes?"

Lady Helen observed her best patron admiringly. Seeing she was out of gin, she turned on her well clad heel and marched out of the room to a regular clack clack clack clack. And those clacks could go on for quite some time, all the way to the storeroom.

Lord William swirled his glass, took a long draught of gin and sighed to no one in particular, "It's not just me."

At that moment there was an audible *pop* to which Lord William turned.

In his amazement he saw ...

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night 2

... a dark and stormy night.

Suddenly a shot was poured.

"Oh, I was about to get you another shot?," Lady Helen cooed.

"Only my third, my dear," replied Lord William, "to take the edge off. You agree, yes?"

Lady Helen narrowed her eyes such that her eyebrows formed a heart-shaped arch, but said nothing. She turned on her well clad heel and marched out of the room to a regular clack clack clack clack. And those clacks could go on for quite some time, endearingly.

Lord William swirled his glass, took a long draught of gin and sighed, "Lucky me."

At that moment there was an audible *pop* to which Lord William turned.

In his amazement he saw ...

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night 1

It was a dark and stormy night.

Suddenly a shot was poured.

"What, another shot?," Lady Helen intoned snidely.

"Only my third, my dear," replied Lord William, "to take the edge off. You agree, yes?"

Lady Helen narrowed her eyes such that her eyebrows nearly met her ample chin, but said nothing. She turned on her well clad heel and marched out of the room to a regular clack clack clack clack. And those clacks could go on for quite some time.

Lord William swirled his glass, took a long draught of gin and sighed, "Fuck me."

At that moment there was an audible *pop* to which Lord William turned.

In his amazement he saw ...