Friday, January 02, 2009

Where Are the Anti-Gravity Belts?

This can’t be the end of the decade because I distinctly remember standing on the balcony, popping champagne corks to welcome the New Year 2000!

That was yesterday. Wasn’t it? WASN’T IT?

Could nine years have gone by like pfffffffft without me noticing?

We’re getting into serious digits in this 2000 thing. This is the Last Year of the Single Digit and it won’t come back for a long, long time.

It’s the Future, you know. Should be.

Stupid Future. Always teasing, never quite delivering. I’ve got a miserable cold. Stupid cold. Where’s the stupid cure for the stupid common cold? Huh? Should be easy. Been talking about it for a couple of centuries.

We can go to the Moon but we can’t cure the common cold. NASA’s fault. If we hadn’t gone to the Moon I wouldn’t be feeling miserable. Stupid Moon. NASA would have cured the common cold and I’d be complaining about not going to the Moon. Fair trade, I’d say.

And, speaking of NASA, where, oh, where are the freaking Anti-Gravity Belts? How am I expected to gain a steady 10 pounds a year without Anti-Gravity Belts?

Just this week, Jack-in-the-Box came out with a new “tasty treat” consisting of a hamburger, order of fries AND ...

... and, and, and ...


How cool is that? A full hamburger lunch PLUS a couple of tacos just in case you have an empty space to fill between your larynx and esophagus. Just tamp ‘em down. That will probably go down as the Great Invention of 2009 and they year is young!

Oh, and I checked, no Anti-Gravity Belts. Now, that would be a fun Happy Toy. And useful.


Tom said...

All these years of Popular Science lying to me about the future! Flying cars...Laser guns...The only thing in this life that I always wanted to do, is to pull up to the Jack in the Box drive-thru in my flying car and say I want 2 tacos...Mmmmm! I bet they would taste better up in the air.

Jodie said...

Did you see Wall-E? The people on the spaceship had anti-gravity chair and head up VR stereo. Why can't we have those? Of course Wall-E was an anti-utopian cartoon for adults to warn us about the dangers of trash and other global warming stuff. I don't think it was for kids. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend renting it.
PLUS I want my Star Trek communicator and I want Scotty to beam me up!!! Oh wait, we have cell phones that look like communicators and do more like photos and music and video and internet. I guess we've gone beyond the 1st stage of Star Trek... just no transporter, interstellar speed of light transport etc. Plus Shatner is now too old to go to outer space. And the classic Mr. Spock (Leonard Nemoy) has lost his ears to Syler (from Heroes) in the new ST movie.

TCU81 said...

BTW, Happy Birthday old man!

Anonymous said...

I'm still waiting for that hoverboard that Marty McFly had in Back to the Future.

If you haven't seen Wall-E, it's worth watching just for all the Apple references they sneak in.

I wouldn't mind a Tardis either, now I think about it.

Anonymous said...

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