Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Chipmunk Menu

Let's say that you don't like a bunch of people. Furthermore, you want to get rid of them. Not in the Soprano's way, but you just want them to leave you alone. Forever. What do you do?

Well, you could send them a letter stating that "You suck. Never darken my doorway again."

Or, you could be more subtle and invite them to a Chipmunk Bar-B-Que. Now, I'm not suggesting that you serve mini-bears to your guests, rather that you serve mini-bear food to your guests. This will ensure that they, your guests, never darken your doorway again.

A typical mini-bear menu might be as follows:


Pork Heart Stick
Dried Apricot Pits




none Unless you consider luke warm water soup.


Rice Krispie Bar
Ritz Cracker Pak
Chicken-of-the-Sea Tuna Pouch
Squeeze Cheese (origin unknown, possibly Bulgarian)


Dried Apricot Pits (see above)

It turns out that this people-phobic menu is a Chipmunk-philic menu. As I recall, I witnessed a Chipmunk conga-ing into the forest wearing a Charlie Tuna pouch on his head.

Unfortunately, I left my toothbrush on a rock and never saw it again. Or did I?

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