Wednesday, May 11, 2005


I have at least two serious addictions: camping equipment and Apple computers.

There is no question that I simply can't be trusted to go into a camping store, such as REI, or an Apple store with any chance of coming out with more than I can carry. For example, I have never been in a kayak but you wouldn't be able to tell that to hear me talking with the kayak specialist at REI about waterproof toe grommets and nylon shackle clips and dry bag floatation devices.

Boy, howdy, I'm splashing down the Columbia River whacking bears on the snout with one paddle and scooping up salmon with the other. In my dreams.

The Apple Store is just as bad. I get in there and my credit card floats out of my wallet, drifts across the showroom floor to the strains of snake charmer music and drains itself into the cash register.

"You don't need another 30-inch monitor," Helen says. Hell, I didn't "need" the first one!

So, as I struggled out of REI this afternoon with my "needs" (actually, I went in to purchase one teeny, weeny little thing and came out with five.) I had this great thought.

What if Apple and REI merged and created a store that sold computerized camping gear? How great would that be?

Instead of setting up my tent I could push a button, listen to the "bonggggg" and the tent would boot up!

My meals would be cooked on iStove that would calculate the exact amount of fuel to use and compensate for wind.

At night, iLantern would turn on by voice control: "Let there be light!"

My iKnife would display a warning dialog box asking "Are sure you want to slice your finger? (yes)(no)"

I could Google the heads-up display in my iHat and query "tautline hitch" to have a Flash video display how to tie the knot and I could save common queries like "snake" and "bear!"

My iPad could have a plug-in for my iPod so I could fall asleep to the sound of the Beatles instead of the crickets.

Of course, I would expect there to be problems, like with the iFire lasting only 2 hours without recharging, or the Windows in my tent crashing, but in a pinch I could iRough it.

One stop shopping. Nothing like it!


kilowatthour said...

Too funny. I giggled at the iKnife. Also, I love REI with an undying passion. And why? I haven't been camping since the 20th century.

Anonymous said...

Both apple stores are at least a 40 minute drive for me so I only hit them once more like twice a year. Just enough time to let my credit card recover and let me charge again.
In two weeks I am going (out of town next week)to the Dallas store. A 15 inch powerbook with Tiger is in my future. Need it? No, but the iMac doesn't travel well and the iBook will look so much better on our next camping trip, while the powerbook keeps my briefcase happy. Of course each of the 3 iPods have been camping or on some sort of vacation already.
And some say Mac owners are part of a cult. I just don't get it.

iKnife, yeah, I am all over it. Along with the iLatern.

schmims said...

Haven't been by in a while, but you are totally cracking me up this morning.

In the market for a new headlamp. Time to replace the old 3 lb. dinosaur. I know Petzl owns the market, but do you know anything about Princeton's. Was looking at the Tec Corona. Or Petzl Mayo 3. Two options for spending the gift card.