Tuesday, January 31, 2006


Backpack. Check.

Water. Check.

Rations. Check.

ComfyFoot Inserts. Check.

Fully charged iPod. Check.

Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, volume I. Check.

“OK, I’m packed. I’m leaving!” I shouted as I headed out the door.

“Where are you going, again?” a voice said from the far reaches of the house.

“Post Office.” I replied.

“Oh. So, you don’t know when you’ll return. I won’t hold dinner.”

Nice, I thought, and I set off for my adventure.

I had two packages to mail and, you know, it’s one of those things where I’d be better off to tape a hundred dollar bill to the parcel and drop it in the box.

But, no, to mail a package you have to go to the Post Office.

It’s a Law of Nature.

Predictably, the queue at the Post Office was long, but I was prepared: food, water, comfy shoes and a fully charged iPod.

I settled in.

About a month later the guy behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked, “Is this line moving?”

Silly question, I thought, but I replied, “I don’t know. I’ll ask the guy in front of me.”

Tapping my forward neighbor on the shoulder I asked, “How long have you been here?”

“What year is it?”

I turned back, “It’s moving. He’s still alive.”

The iPod enabled me to maintain my sanity. As I munched on my trail mix I completed the entire works of Beethoven, Mozart and Brahms and was working my way through Led Zeppelin.

A very, very old man smiling broadly shuffled past us and out the door. We all took a tiny step forward.

Then, right in the middle of my air guitar rendition of ZZ Top’s “I’m Bad, I’m Nationwide” I heard the magical words:


I had the exact change in several currencies. I said “First Class, no confirmation, ground, red, white and blue truck, driver named ‘Ed’, keep the change.” I was out of there. Done. Cut loose. Sprung. Free as a bird.

And wouldn’t you know it the iPod was pumping out Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird.” How cool was that?

I’m freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And the bird you cannot changeyangeyangeyange…


Zoe the Cat said...

Yeah!! Mail for me. It is so rare to get mail that I think I might sit and wait for the mailman. Good thing I have an iPod and trail mix also.

Foo said...

And just how many times did you circle the block this time?

Ted said...

Uhh, you know they have a nice automated machine for shipping packages now right?

Bill said...