I can stop any time I like.
No, you can’t.
Yes, I can.
No, you can’t. You stopped for a while last year but here you are at it again. Stopping is stopping, like, forever.
I can control it.
That’s what they all say.
No, really, I can. This time I can. I just have to taper off.
“Taper off.” Ha, refuge of a scoundrel. You won’t “taper off.” You’ll hide your addiction and sneak a little here, a little there. You think I don’t notice, but I do. You leave a trail of evidence.
Evidence? No way! What evidence? I’m clean. Well, mostly. I mean, it’s not a Big Addiction. It’s more like a hobby.
Hobby, ha! A hobby is something you do because you want to. An addiction is something you do because you have to.
I don’t have to, you know.
How about this evening? How about today just a few hours ago? How about that?
After a pause, uh, you know, the temptation is all around. Especially at this time of year. It’s hard to stay clean.
I’m not asking you to stay clean. I’m asking you to exercise some restraint. Rule it, don’t let it rule you. That’s all I ask.
So, how many boxes did you buy this time?
Six. Two Thin Mint and four of the new Café.
Six boxes of Girl Scout cookies! I already took to work the 10 boxes you bought last week. Please, promise me, no more Thin Mints. OK? Promise?
I dunno. I like Thin Mints.
Everybody likes Thin Mints.