That is, I was dreaming I was a little horse but woke up with a big hoarse and a very colourful room.
(I heart rainbows!)
(I heart coffee more!)
Following my heart into the kitchen for a hot cup of Joe, I called Kink to give him a Morning Snax but instead of hearing myself say, "Hey, Kinkers, ya want a Snak-O?"
it came out more like this:
" y ers n Ssss O ? "
Although I was thinking real loud, I was squeaking like an old hinge on a rusty gate being swung by a quartet of bullfrogs. I tried a chorus of Sweet Adeline in one-part harmony to no effect.
Kink was still in the other room oblivious to my condition. I decided to write him a note only to find the pen was out of ink.
Great Caesar's Ghost! My hoarseness had affected my literacy! I could read but I couldn't write. I was a half-literacy. That gave me more pause for thought. Half-literacy. Which half was I, lite or racy? Based on the last time I weighed myself I certainly wasn't "lite" which meant I was "racy."
It all made perfect horse sense. I was a racy hoarse.
If you're confused then think for a moment about me going through this before having a single cup of coffee.
Coffee! That might cure my racy hoarseness.
Alas, that was not the case. After cup three I was hot to trot, champing at the bit and I think I had become a Colts fan.
It didn't get any better throughout the day. Why is it when you're having a little trouble with your voice that people ask you one inane question after another?
Oh, your voice sounds terrible! Does it hurt? I said, DOES IT HURT? Alright, don't say anything, be that way!
(Memo to self: find a way to tell people that your voice is broken, not your ears.)
Have you tried gargling with (salt water, vodka, oatmeal, cod liver oil, hot tea, grape jelly ... )
I had the SAME thing and I couldn't talk for 12 years.
Nod your head for 'yes.' Do you want tuna or turkey?
So, at the end of the day after all that advice and heartfelt concern I sit here with Dr. Google and here's what he has to say:
"The best remedy for hoarseness is to not talk."
Now, why didn't I think of that?