Wednesday, November 27, 2013

W the D

"Do you want to go for a walk?"

You can ask this to any dog in the World and get this look.

Any dog.  Any country.  French dog.  German dog.  Italian dog.

You can ask a dog in France, a French dog by any definition, "Do you want to go for a walk?" in English, IN ENGLISH, and you will get this look.

This is the "Hell Yes, Let's Go" look followed by a wagging tail and whimpering sounds.

All dogs love to go for a walk.  It's just what a dog does.  You just mention the phrase and the dog is ready to go.  Now!  You can't say, "I'm going to take the dog for a walk in 20 minutes," because the dog simply turns off after the word "walk."  Twenty minutes is the same as NOW!

Ask a cat the same question and if, maybe if, just maybe perhaps IF,  the cat acknowledges your presence in its world the answer, if you are lucky, would be a blank stare or perhaps a yawn or the commencement of licking some itchy part of its anatomy.

But, not only does the dog know, it's very difficult to fool the dog.

You see that dog in the picture?  Yeah, that one with his tongue out.  That's his Happy We're Going For a Walk tongue.  See those eyes?  They're looking at you.  They're looking through you.  Those eyes have ESP and that dog knows what you're thinking and you're thinking "Walkies!"

We tried to fool the dog by spelling.  That worked maybe once.  "Hey, I think I'll take the dog for a W-A-L-K."  The dog was not fooled.

We tried, "Hey, I think I'll take the D-O-G for a W-A-L-K."  Didn't work.

Then it was, "Hey, you know," head nod to the door.  Didn't work.

And, of course, the "I'm going to W the D," was a total failure.

We tried texting.  Didn't work.  The dog saw me press Send and heard the phone across the room go "beep."  Total failure.

The dog knows.  And the dog knows that you know which is why he gives you the Puppy Dog look and whimpers.  Face it, all your weaknesses have been exposed by 15,000 years of evolution honing the ability of the dog to know when the walk is going to happen.  I imagine that eons ago when man and dog lived in caves and the leash had not been invented that when Thag asked Barky, "You me go walk?" it was the same thing.  To no avail that was probably when cavemen learned to spell, and greatly disappointed by the result.

So, here I am typing this story and You Know Who is staring at me.

"You writing about me?  You got something to say?  Come on, big guy, let's go.  Get the leash before there's trouble."

Yes, master.

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