Sunday, November 27, 2016

Zöe 6


I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner but I've been busy with stuff and you know.

That's not true.  That's the sort of thing I would just send out to blow somebody off.  No, I've been thinking of what to do.  What to do about you, and me, and life, and the universe.

So, I think the first thing I need to do, and this is a big deal for me, really out of my comfort zone, is to send you the emails I wrote and deleted.

You are so brave, Ryan, and over the past couple of days that's something that I really love about you.  You step in at the right time with the right words and the right everything.  I'm not sure I'm actually that person you think I am.

My life hasn't exactly been rough.  I've had my ups and downs.  I was a cheerleader in high school and college, entertaining the crowds and enjoying my status as a "cheerleader," but it didn't lead me to anything worthwhile in the long run.  I fell into computing my Junior year and never looked back.  There weren't many female programmers back in the day and moving between companies was easy for me.  I finally decided that programming would eventually end as something I could do, competing against a younger and more talented bunch of people coming up behind me, so I jumped to account management, and here I am.  It's not a great career but it pays the bills.

That's me in a nutty shell.  Anyway, needless to say, but I will, I haven't been too successful in the relationship department.  Work always comes first and "the guy" second.  Every "the guy" I've met hasn't taken too well to that, except for Foxie who only judges me by pets, food and walkies.

Ryan, I found you to be sort of a rock, an anchor in my life of swirling stuff.  You are the one thing I could count on for having my back, giving me support, making me laugh in the face of disaster and just being there.

I want that to continue, but we have to talk.  In light of your recent "revelations" we really need to talk!


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