Sunday, November 15, 2009

Not Half

"Yes, sir, what'll it be tonight?"

"Uh, I'll have a half of ESB."

"Sorry, squire, we're all out of halves."

"OK, make it a pint."

"Right, pint of ESB coming up."

That was "our little joke," a jest among friends, an amusement, a diversion at my local pub. I'd go in and ask for a half-pint but, alas, they'd be out of halfs and I'd be forced to drink a pint. Or four.

On some nights four was half way.

In darts if I got about half-way, say, to 150, I could go out with triple 20, triple 20, double 15. But not after four. Who am I kidding? Not after zero!

Half full or half empty?

Me, I'm a half-empty kind of guy. Yes, it's twue. Half-empty. That's because I knew it was full at one time but now it's not. It's half-empty and going down. I mean, it's nearly December! What happened to July? Did we even have a July? I don't remember, which raises an interesting question: Is the year nearly empty or is it nearly full? Do we start with a full year and empty it out or do we start with an empty year and fill it up?

Going back to the glass half empty thing, if it's nice and sunny, bright and happy, then the contents of the glass are evaporating and going down, but if it's cloudy and raining, dark and mournful, then the contents of the glass are filling up.

Therefore, according to that logic, if your glass is half empty you should be bright and happy, but if its half full you should be cloudy and sad.

I was thinking about opening up a restaurant half way between Houston and Austin. Actually, that point is in the middle of nowhere, although since it's somebody's ranch I guess it's somewhere, at least to the rancher. Anyway, I was going to call it the Half Way House. Coming or going it would be half way. However, since a "half way house" is a place where you go to recover from something I figured it probably wasn't a great idea. After all, I've heard of Centerville and Middleton but never Halfway City.

So, here we are smack dab half way through November. Fifteen days behind us and fifteen days in front of us.

What to do, what to do. The first half of November was pretty good. I'd hate for things to go downhill from here, glass half empty or not.

I know!

I'll do it all over again. I'll simply subtract 15 from each day which makes tomorrow November 16-15 or November 1st. I don't know why I didn't think of this before.

Now, if only I can get every day in December to be the 25th I'll have it knocked.

1 comment:

Helena said...

There's a Halfway House on Minchinhampton Common. Conveniently next to Jess's school. You'll find the parents in there for a fortifying scotch or several whenever there's a parent-teacher conference.

Jess says at least one day in December has to be the 27th, or she'd never get any older.