Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Halloween Wrap-up

If you’ve got a barky dog clap your hands!
If you’ve got a barky dog clap your hands!
If you’ve got a barky dog and you don’t care about your neighbor’s mental health,
If you’ve got a barky dog clap your hands!

Yes, we’ve got a barky dog, but it’s the neighbor’s dog.

Yes, we’re clapping our hands – over our ears.

Yap, yap, yap in the morning. Yap, yap, yap at night.

In desperation I read all the Harry Potters paying close attention to yapping dog spells.

Nothing. Not to mention the fact I don’t own a decent wand. Miserable hand-me-down of mine. I tap “béchamel” and what do I get nine times out of ten? Hollandaise! Never fails.

OK, now we have new neighbors and all we know about them is that they have a barky dog. The new neighbors and our paths don’t cross. Never met them. Hardly seen them. Only heard the barky dog – morning and night.

If I wait long enough they’ll move and maybe we’ll get a troupe of pole dancers or something moving in.

No wonder we don't have any friends. Not that I'm complaining.

Although we've only seen our new neighbors once, we hear their
damnable barky dog morning and night.

So, last night it was ding-dong, Trick or Treat, and Hi we're your
neighbors. Small woman with smaller girl child in tow

So, my first question was:

What's you dog's name?

Not, oh, nice to meet you. Or, hey, did you get settled OK? Or,
Welcome to the neighborhood, did you move here from Barkyville?

Nope, it was the dog.

The lady whose name I've already forgotten seemed taken aback, but managed to stammer "Melissa."

I said to nobody in particular, Ah, Melissa, now we can complete the spell! At this our neighbor blanched, turned and nearly ran down the sidewalk.

What's up with her, I wondered briefly, but then turned to matters at hand.

Now, where did I put that Eye of Newt?


Foo said...

If you perfect that spell, please let me know where to send the check for my copy of the instructions. Our next door neighbors' dog is constantly yapping at me, and I think what irritates me more than the noise is that she's barking at me for being in my own &^%@! yard.

Anonymous said...

Howsabout I send you a box of Antarctic cold to add to that witchy stew. Either that or you can just drop it on the yapper's head? No evidence, it'll evaporate in the humidity y'all spot up there.

But when you get the formula down, and proof it works, see if you can't tweak it for snorers?